That Last Meeting

Edits made by: Joanne Legin

It was the day that changed everything. I was rushing back to my desk from a doctor’s appointment, so I didn’t miss a regularly scheduled meeting with my boss. I was fortunate enough to work from home, so I ran up the steps, threw on my headset and dialed in. I had heard the greeting so many times before, “please enter your participant ID….” but little did I realize, this would be my last time. I shuffled my notes while I waited, preparing to discuss multiple items. The first person to arrive on the call was someone that I did not recognize at first, and then it hit me like a ton of bricks; this was a member from human resources. My boss joined the line and I knew what was about to happen. My gut has never failed me. “Dorothy, we are here today…” I sat there, frozen, my heart beating in my headset as the conversation started. I was being laid off. I have never been laid off in my life. I turned 40 that year and I had certain expectations of where I needed and should be in my career journey. This did not fit into my plan.

The conversation ended and I was asked if I had any questions. Questions? Wait, what just happened? Yes, I have a zillion questions but was too stunned to even think clearly. I knew things like this occur but now it was happening to me and my notes sitting in front of me did me no good. I wasn’t prepared for this. The call ended, I hung up my headset and sat there silent for a few moments when I heard my husband walking down the hallway. As I turned out of our home office, he immediately saw my face and asked me what was wrong. I told him, “I was just laid off.” And in his typical style, he opened his arms with support, love and advice. The entire time, I thought, what did I do wrong? Am I being punished for something? As a manager, I too had the same uncomfortable discussions with members of my team. I never slept well for days when I knew “the day” was coming. The logical side of my brain understood why we had to do things like this, however, my emotional brain connected with them, as human beings, knowing their children’s names, celebrating birthdays with them, mourning the loss of loved ones, spending long hours on projects and sharing drinks after difficult days to decompress. I got to know them as individuals, not just as an employee number. But now, I was feeling disposable and like just another employee number. What would I do now?

The realization that I had to update my resume and begin the interview process gave me incredible anxiety. I had to build my confidence if I was about to sit in front of a potential employer. I didn’t have the answer then, but the voyage I was about to take, would be an emotional roller coaster. 

The Day After

I will never forget that first jobless morning; it was my best friends’ birthday. She had the day off work and we were about to enjoy the day together barbecuing and swimming in the pool. I cannot even tell you to the last time we spent time together on a weekday to do something like this. It must have been back in high school! I have to admit, it was one of the best days I ever had. I wasn’t checking the time to be home because I knew I had a deliverable due, nor was I checking my e-mails. I was able to let go and really be in the moment that day. I was free to take in a breath and feel gratitude.

I vowed that when I got home, I would make a list of all of the things I wanted to do that I kept putting off because of other priorities. I had time now, why should I waste it? So, I got home, sat down with a pen and pad and started to write. I wrote things like re-doing the home office, cleaning out the closet and learning to cook a new dish. And I was and especially focused on finding my next great opportunity. The list was longer than I anticipated and I felt quite proud of it.

Tidy Up My Professional Side

My first order of action was to have my resume reviewed, which I did, by multiple people who gave me great feedback and advice. I was already amazed at the profound support I was receiving, and I was feeling optimistic. “Dorothy, any organization would be lucky to have you.” Why did that voice inside my head gnaw at me and whisper, but I was let go? My next move was to update my professional profile on various sites, set up daily e-mail alerts of new job listings matching my key words and officially starting my search. Immediately, it felt overwhelming but I’ve managed projects before, so I needed to manage myself. I kept track of where I applied, the reasons I wanted to apply and my contacts at the organizations I was applying to. It was important to me to continue to build relationships because I am of the mindset that you never know where your path will take you.

I participated in several initial phone screens and realized, wow, I need to step up my game and be better prepared. I felt as though it was hard for me to prove myself on that initial call to open the gate to the next round of interviews, which has typically been with a hiring manager. Nonetheless, I used the job description of the place that I was applying to and wrote bullets point of how I could contribute to the organization, my experience in various areas, and learned about what the organization does. If there was something I was not too familiar with, I looked it up and read articles about it. Practice and prepare.

In every interview, I was asked to, “tell me about yourself.” THIS was my shot to make an impression and I had to work on my script – literally writing it down.

I soon realized that spending hours daily searching and searching wasn’t doing me any good. I enlisted the help of several recruiters. I will say, I had both positive and negative results. Some were masters at their craft who were engaging, showed they cared about their client’s success, while others literally ghosted me. I had this happen several times where several of my e-mails were ignored, or the person didn’t show up to the scheduled meeting we agreed upon. But, by no means, am I saying anything negative about recruiters. I honestly couldn’t imagine rummaging through 200+ applicants. It has to be daunting to find the right fit while satisfying their clients. This led me to my next revelation, how the heck do I stand out among 200+ applicants simply by filling out an online form?!

This is when I started to reach out to old contacts, attended networking meetings and simply put myself out there as much as possible. My husband always told me, to be uncomfortable is to grow, and boy, I felt as though I must have been growing at an exponential rate, but nothing was happening. I had many systems send me an auto-reply to say, “Thank you for your interest, but we have decided to hire another candidate.” I was once again feeling devastated and like just another applicant number. I had been feeling hopeful, but now, here I was again on this emotional yo-yo.

Build a Support System

During all of this, I had learned that two smart, successful women that I am dear friends with were also laid off from their jobs. I can tell you that the bond we formed was incredible! We provided insight, tips and simply voiced our journeys reassuring one another that all these stepping-stones were normal. It had been months of trying with no luck. I had to take ownership and figure out a new way of approaching this. I was tired of being rejected. Rejected, when I went through five rounds of interviews and over six hours of interviewing only to be told, we selected someone else. Rejected because I was not an exact fit. Rejected because senior management in the middle of the interview process, removed the position completely.  Rejected perhaps because there were just too many applicants and only so many hours in the day. Rejected…you get my point. I was the common denominator in this and I had to figure out my next move. I needed to think differently.

Change Your State

It was at one particular interview with a hiring manager, where I had an epiphany. He did not think I was an exact fit for what he needed but provided me feedback on the spot. He was not rude or mean, he simply stated a fact. Because I had been rejected multiple times and just needed to know why I wasn’t a fit(and I figured I had nothing to lose) so I asked him! It turned out to be such a productive discussion and helped me to re-focus on what I really wanted to do. He literally called me out and said, “this isn’t your passion and what you want to do”. Maybe I was applying for the wrong jobs? Maybe employers did not see key words that matched their’s and left me behind? The overarching lesson to this was that I had to be honest as to where I see myself in the next coming years.

I thought long and hard about this. I really wanted to be a part of something that was exciting.

Be Productive – No Matter What It Is

During all of this time, I promised myself to accomplish and cross-off items on my list. Remember I mentioned that long list? Well, here is what I did. I reconnected with friends, some of which, I hadn’t seen in 10 or 20 years. I helped my husband project manage his practice to change his operating model while learning how to edit his podcasts, create marketing materials and setting standards and guidelines for client experience. It was so strange; people from my past were showing up to support me and believe it or not, my very first boss from my first-ever job ever reached out looking for my help! He is a small business owner and wanted to grow his business. So, he asked for my help to further build structure into his organization and it has been the most rewarding experience!

I also took cooking and baking classes. At one point, everything I created was homemade, from ice cream, to ricotta, to chocolate, to hand cream. I am sure several of my friends gained weight because of the desserts I dropped-off to them in the process. I took time to volunteer at various organizations. I picked up my camera, dusted it off and learned Lightroom and Photoshop (you can follow me on Instagram @dbielenda 😊). I was able to discover beautiful spots to photograph that I never knew existed in New Jersey. I sanded wood, stained it and transferred my pictures onto the wood. My husband and I re-did the office. I did clean those closets. I went to the beach…on a Wednesday. And while some of these are laughable, they made me proud. I had to keep learning, keep contributing; that is what made me happy. I created with my hands and did more activities where I looked less at my phone. A technology disconnect.

At the end of all of this, I came to one revelation: my time would come, I just had to keep fighting and have patience.

It Finally Happened

I waited. I was patient. I gave every interview my all. Then, the opportunity I was so excited to be a part of, was offered to me. I was true to myself and where I wanted to be. I battled and lost many times. Now, a new journey will begin to be a part of a new team, culture and business. I am looking forward to learning and growing as an individual and as a contributor.  It feels so good to celebrate success – it finally happened.

Reflection and Lessons Learned

If I have to be honest with myself and share what I’ve learned during this time, it would have to be:

1. Embrace the emotional ups and downs.
   • It stinks, but it’s normal to feel certain emotions in this process.
   • I was rejected, multiple times, its all a part of the fast ride on the track.  I had to realize that in these cases, I was simply not a good fit and had to move on.
   • If you fall, you have to get back up.
2. Time is of the Essence.
   • Set up key word searches on multiple sites or the company you’re dreaming of being a part of.  I have found that the faster I apply, and be one of the first dozen, I was more likely to receive a call.
   • Take advantage of doing some things for yourself and try something new. It helped me to feel like I was contributing. You never know who you will meet!
3. Network, network, network.
   • LinkedIn was the most powerful tool when it came to networking and opening doors.
   • There are plenty of live networking events to attend too.
4. Practice and prepare.
   • You get one shot. I found phone call interviews to be much more difficult. So smile, get up, have your notes and exude confidence when speaking.
5. Go with your gut.
   • I have always said I should listen to what my gut tells me and it hasn’t failed me yet.